The mathematics of company building dictate that once a company gets big enough you’re going to deal with some people problems. If you have more than 365 employees and each of them has one bad day a year, you’ll have affected teams across the company pretty much EVERY day. One really bad day every 5 years? ~2000 employees will cover that bell curve!

The point is…distractions and crisis are an inevitable part of scaling a company. It’s how people bring those crises into the organization where things get really interesting. Maybe there’s difficulty at home. Maybe there’s a viral Reddit thread about trading meme stocks and sticking it to the suits. It doesn’t matter, you want to share either way!

There is a fine line between sharing…and oversharing. A very experienced, extremely successful Silicon Valley executive once advocated to “bring your whole self to work”. You might know Sheryl Sandberg as the Facebook COO and one of the most successful tech executives of this internet era. She’s smart, resilient, and has helped build a couple of the biggest internet companies on the planet.

But…is bringing your whole self to work and sharing your life the way to go?

No…don’t think so.

When you reconcile that advice with the reality that we are all a bunch of weirdos there is a lot that probably should never see the light of day. Which takes us to oversharing. The flame propellant that takes the cultural crises of company building to explosive levels. The curve must be culturally managed.

Maybe bring your whole self to a small trusted circle of people at work. Your best self to most others. Your normal other self on the commute or something? If you still do that sort of thing!

Managing up? In most cases, probably bring your best self. Sharing relevant details from your personal life? Of course. Continuing to consistently share and belaboring the details? Mehhh. At the end of the day you may be burdening someone at a higher level who needs your focus. It’s not easy!

Peers? This is the sweet spot. Hopefully the safest place to do the sharing. Shared context with a similar view of problems above and below. A trusted group of people who’ve been through similar experiences. Share away…mostly

Junior employees & direct reports? A bias toward keeping it classy. They’ve got jobs to do and every additional thing you burden them with can distract from that job. Complain rarely, praise often, ask questions, and treat your time together skewed toward their time. They need your help more than you need theirs.

In this era of constant crisis, overwhelming information flow, and instantaneously shareable plight…help us all out and flatten the curve. Let some others fan the flames.